


Could You Whisper In My Ear (The Things You Want To Feel)

by Ciara2531



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-01
Updated: 2015-01-01
Packaged: 2018-03-04 16:05:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3073916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ciara2531/pseuds/Ciara2531
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They're just two people trying to figure out what's changed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Could You Whisper In My Ear (The Things You Want To Feel)

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: So this will definitely be my last story of 2014. I've had a lot of fun exploring these two over the last couple days with this and my previous two one shots. I think I have a handle on some of the beats and character traits and dynamics that my versions of them will have. Not sure exactly when I'll write them again but here's hoping there's lots of inspiration on the show during the rest of the season.
> 
> Comments are always appreciated :-)
> 
> Happy New Year to you all!

“So,” Jay said, handing over her coffee. “How was your first week?”

 

Erin smiled as she wrapped her gloved hands around the tall paper cup, letting the warmth seep through the material.

 

“It was good, I think,” she said.

 

“You’re not sure?” Jay said, fighting off a smile.

 

“Yeah, it was good,” Erin said. “A couple kinks to work out but it’s a new unit. Growing pains make sense.”

 

“New partner?” Jay inquired.

 

“Special Agent David Lang,” Erin responded.

 

She smirked at him.

 

“Marlboro Man,” she added.

 

Jay snorted.

 

“Can he handle himself?” he asked.

 

“We’ll see,” Erin said.

 

She turned so that she could lean against the iron railing, her back to the river.

 

“What about you?” she asked, before taking a sip of her coffee.

 

“Voight moved us all around like pieces on a chess board,” Jay informed her. “Burgess came up and he has her working with O.”

 

“He’s a good guy to learn the ropes from,” Erin said.

 

Jay nodded.

 

“Ruzek and Antonio partnered up,” he finished. “And me and Atwater.”

 

“How’s that going?” Erin asked, knowing that Atwater’s eagerness to prove himself occasionally rubbed Jay the wrong way.

 

“I’m doing all the driving,” Jay said, laughing.

 

“Aww,” Erin teased. “Is my house husband finally standing up for himself?”

 

“Shut up,” Jay said, hiding his grin by drinking from his own coffee cup.

 

He frowned.

 

“Hey, wait,” he said. “You don’t let Marlboro drive, do you? Cause that would be messed up.”

 

Erin laughed and gave him a soft punch in the arm.

 

“Don’t worry, honey,” she said. “I only have room for one house husband in my life.”

 

“Good,” Jay said.

 

“What about Nadia?” Erin asked.

 

Jay looked at her.

 

“You seriously expect me to believe you haven’t talked to her all week?” he asked.

 

Erin shot him an imperious look.

 

“Of course I’ve talked to her,” she said. “I don’t want to know how _she_ thinks she’s doing. I want to know what you think.”

 

“You want to know what _Voight_ thinks,” Jay corrected.

 

Erin rolled her eyes but she didn’t deny it.

 

“Spit it out, Halstead,” she said.

 

He laughed.

 

“Nadia’s doing really good,” he said. “She’s uh…kind of keeping us all in line.”

 

He turned to lean his back on the railing and nudged her shoulder with his.

 

“Sort of like you used to,” he said.

 

Erin bit back a smile and then her expression turned serious.

 

“Watch out for her, will you?” Erin asked.

 

“Yeah,” Jay said. “Of course.”

 

He paused.

 

“You know,” he said. “You never really told me the whole story about her.”

 

“What do you mean?” Erin asked frowning.

 

He’d worked the case that brought Nadia to their attention, same as she had.

 

“I mean, why her,” Jay said. “Why’d you try so hard? I’m not saying you shouldn’t have, just that there must have been a reason.”

 

Oddly, Erin relaxed a little. She would have expected the opposite to happen given the turn the conversation had taken.

 

“That story is going to need something a lot stronger than coffee,” Erin told him.

 

“I am…not surprised to hear that, actually,” Jay said.

 

“Shut up,” Erin said lightly, nudging him back. “I forgot how annoying you can be.”

 

“I’m hurt, truly hurt,” Jay said dramatically. “It’s only been seven days, Erin. I thought you’d be missing everything about me.”

 

“Obviously you must have suffered some sort of head trauma this week,” Erin quipped. “You should probably see a doctor about that.”

 

“That’s my girl,” Jay said dryly. “Ever the sympathizer.”

 

“That’s me,” Erin said, making herself smile brightly so she wouldn’t dwell on the warmth that stole over her at Jay calling her _his girl_. “I’m a regular Florence Nightingale.”

 

Jay laughed and Erin felt her smile stretch into something more genuine. She wouldn’t admit it to him in so many words but she _had_ missed him. She’d known she would but she hadn’t expected it to hit her quite as hard as it had.

 

More than once during the week, she’d find herself shooting Lang a glance and then being irritated because he hadn’t picked up on her non-verbal cue. To say nothing of the multiple awkward silences that resulted from their dynamic not being able to shift gears the way hers and Jay’s had.

 

They could be joking one minute and dead serious the next. It wasn’t like that with Lang and Erin wasn’t certain it ever would be.

 

Jay’s cell phone rang and even though his eyes – green in the early evening light – were soft on her face, his voice was all business when he answered.

 

“Halstead,” he said.

 

“We got a body,” Antonio informed him. “I already texted you the address.”

 

“Yeah, okay,” Jay said. “On my way.”

 

He disconnected the call and shot Erin an apologetic look.

 

“I hate to cut this short,” he said, meaning it. “But I gotta roll.”

 

“Tell everyone I said hi,” Erin said.

 

“How about I tell everyone except Voight,” Jay said. “You can just call him yourself later.”

 

“He’s not going to punch you because we met for coffee,” Erin said. “Besides, you realize we don’t work together anymore. Technically his rules no longer apply.”

 

“Oh I’m aware,” Jay said. “I just wasn’t sure that it changed anything.”

 

He tilted his head to one side.

 

“For you, I mean,” he added.

 

“Tell you what,” Erin said. “Why don’t we meet same time next week at my place? I’ll get beer and you bring pizza.”

 

“Just two friends hanging out?” Jay questioned.

 

“Or maybe just a starting point,” Erin said. “For two people trying to figure out what else has changed.”

 

Jay gave her one of his trademark lopsided grins and Erin mentally added it to the list of things she missed about him.

 

“It’s a date,” he said.

 

“Be careful out there,” Erin said. “Tell Atwater I’m going to kick his ass if he let’s anything happen to you.”

 

“I’ll let you surprise him if it comes to that,” Jay said. “Besides, he’s no good to me if he’s having nightmares about having his ass handed to him by a girl.”

 

“Get out of here,” Erin said, shoving him.

 

He winked at her and then started for his car at a light jog, stopping to toss his half empty coffee cup into the trash.

 

It was ridiculous how much those few minutes with Erin had lifted his mood and made him feel like himself again for the first time since she’d announced that she was taking the task force job.

 

As proud as he’d been – and was – of her, it had broken a piece of him to hear that she was leaving. He knew it wasn’t personal. She wasn’t leaving _him_ per se, except she was. Knowing that this was a once in a lifetime professional opportunity that she more than deserved hadn’t done a thing to mitigate the feeling of loss that plagued him.

 

The first day back to work without her had been awful. He’d paced around the corner from the precinct for a solid half hour before he could force himself to walk into the building and upstairs.

 

He’d locked eyes on his desk as soon as he cleared the second flight of stairs and moved towards it like a targeted missile. He’d refused to let himself look at Erin’s desk and by the time shift ended, he’d been exhausted by the effort he’d expended, holding himself together.

 

He’d thought about calling her or texting her a million times that day and the days that followed but he knew she needed time to adjust to her new team and he hadn’t wanted to get in the way of that.

 

And then she’d reached out to him suggesting coffee after work and the world seemed to settle right side up again. It was then that it had properly occurred to him what the other implications of them not working together anymore were.

 

All of a sudden that line they’d drawn the night of her high school reunion wasn’t the point of no return. Like Erin had just said, it was a starting point.

 

The thought was still making him smile when he got to the crime scene. Antonio arched a curious eyebrow at him.

 

“You look like a new man,” Antonio murmured. “Do I want to know?”

 

“Even if you do, I’m not telling,” Jay said. “What have we got, here?”

 

He nodded toward the door of an elegant townhouse. There were uniforms coming in and out and he could tell CSU had already arrived on the scene.

 

“Victim’s a well known defense lawyer,” Antonio said as they walked toward the stairs. “Name of Paul Meyers.”

 

Walking through the front door they turned into the living room where Voight and Ruzek were standing over the body.

 

“Professional hit,” Jay observed, noting the clean shot to the head.

 

“Seems like Meyers here got wrong side of a cartel,” Voight said.

 

“What makes you say so?” Jay asked.

 

Voight nodded to the victim’s chest; his shirt had been cut open and there was a symbol carved into the skin.

 

“Mexican calling card,” Voight said.

 

Atwater joined them, notepad in hand.

 

“Just finished talking to the housekeeper who called it in,” he said. “She says she didn’t see anyone and there were no signs of forced entry when she came through the back door.”

 

“You think he knew whoever killed him?” Ruzek asked.

 

“Likely under the circumstances,” Antonio agreed.

 

“Alright,” Voight said. “We need to figure out how Meyers got involved with the cartel. Antonio, I want you and Ruzek to get ahold of all his case files; see if anything pops there.”

 

“You got it, boss,” Ruzek said.

 

“Halstead, you and Atwater track down next of kin,” Voight said.

 

Jay nodded.

 

Voight encompassed them all with a look.

 

“We’re going to have a lot of eyes on us with this one,” he said. “Let’s get it done.”

 

 

Erin groaned.

 

She’d gotten home a few hours ago after the task force’s first successful drug bust. She’d showered and then proceeded to change outfits four times before settling on dark blue jeans and a forest green sweater.

 

Now, she was debating whether to wear her hair up or down. She’d changed her mind three times in the last ten minutes.

 

“God, you’re _ridiculous_ ,” she muttered to herself.

 

Jay had been over to her place – and she to his – for beer and pizza dozens of times. There was absolutely no reason for her to be this nervous. She would have understood if tonight was the first time she was seeing him since leaving Intelligence but it wasn’t.

 

Their coffee date had proven that despite the change to their working relationship, the ease and the connection between them was still there.

 

Down, she decided. She’d wear her hair down. That decision made, she contemplated the contents of her make up bag, determining whether she wanted to go for lipstick or lip-gloss.

 

There was a firm knock on the door so Erin grabbed a light pink gloss, slicked it quickly over her lips and then darted for the front door.

 

“Hey,” Erin said.

 

“Hey,” Jay said, his lips quirking upward. “You planning to let me in or just stand there staring at me all night?”

 

“Or option B,” Erin said. “I could shut the door in your face for being obnoxious.”

 

Jay scoffed.

 

“You’d never slam the door on pizza,” he said.

 

She rolled her eyes but she stepped aside and followed him into the living room. He put the pizza down on the table in the corner and then shrugged out of his jacket. He was wearing his usual jeans and V-neck tee but for the first time Erin didn’t have to mentally chastise herself for noticing where and how the fabric clung to him.

 

“You’re staring again,” he said, folding his arms across his chest.

 

Erin lifted her eyes to meet his and fixed him with a challenging gaze.

 

“Are you complaining, Halstead?” she asked.

 

“Beautiful woman checking me out?” he said, shaking his head. ‘No, I’m not complaining.”

 

“Didn’t think so,” Erin smirked, spinning on her heel and heading for the kitchen to grab them each a beer. She returned moments later with two open bottles and handed him one.

 

“So,” she said, stealing his line from the last time they’d met. “How was your week?”

 

“Playing cops and robbers with Mexican drug lords,” he shrugged. “The usual.”

 

He took a pull from his bottle of beer.

 

“What about you?” Jay asked.

 

“Took five million in heroin off the street today,” Erin said.

 

“Nice,” Jay said with a low whistle.

 

Setting his bottle down, he flipped open the pizza box and put a slice on one of the paper plates he’d also brought with him. He extended it to Erin before serving himself a piece.

 

“So in the spirit of ‘figuring out what’s changed’ I have a question,” Jay said. “Are we going to talk about anything that’s not related to work?”

 

“What’s that mean?” Erin asked.

 

“It means that even though we were partners,” Jay said. “Or actually no, _because_ we were partners, we know each other but at the same time there’s a lot we don’t know _about_ each other.”

 

“I think you know more about me than I know about you,” Erin said. “You saying you’re an open book tonight Halstead?”

 

“I’m game if you are,” Jay said easily.

 

“I’m definitely game,” Erin said.

 

She took her pizza and beer over to the couch and settled on it cross-legged. Jay followed, slouching next to her on the sofa.

 

Erin took a bite of her pizza, noting that he’d remembered green peppers and sausage were her favorite toppings, and considered where she wanted to start.

 

“Why’d you join the Army?” she finally questioned.

 

Jay blinked at her. Of all the things he thought she’d ask, that hadn’t been the first thing to come to mind.

 

“Would you believe me if I said it was a dare?” he deadpanned.

 

Erin shook her head at him.

 

“You did _not_ join an elite, special forces regiment on a _dare_ ,” she said.

 

Jay laughed.

 

“The truth is kind of boring,” he said. “I thought I should spice it up.”

 

“If that’s your idea of spicing it up, you’re doing it wrong,” Erin retorted.

 

Before he could register that and come up with anything remotely coherent to toss back at her, she was pressing him to just answer the question already.

 

“My junior year a recruiter came to a career fair at our high school,” Jay explained. “And it wasn’t really what he said that got my attention, it was him; the way he carried himself, that look in his eye that said he was tough and well past the point of needing to prove to it anyone.”

 

Jay shrugged and took another drink from the bottle hanging loosely in his right hand.

 

“I wanted that. I wanted to _be_ that,” he said. “So I enlisted the day I graduated from high school; got my diploma in the morning and signed four years of my life away in the afternoon.”

 

“Regrets?” Erin asked, nibbling at her slice.

 

Jay’s gaze drifted to her lips and he had to suppress a smile. It amused him no end that Erin was such a badass cop and at the same time such a prissy eater.

 

“Not about enlisting, no,” Jay said. “About some of the things that happened during those four years? Yeah.”

 

Erin processed that.

 

“Could they recall you?” she asked.

 

Jay shook his head no.

 

“My four years inactive reserve ended three years ago,” he said.

 

“You’re not eating,” Erin pointed out, randomly changing the subject to give herself a minute to absorb the wave of relief she felt knowing that the Army couldn’t pull Jay out of her life on a whim and sending him packing half way across the world.

 

Jay lifted his slice and took a large bite to appease her.

 

“Happy now?” he asked, once he’d swallowed.

 

She smiled at him and then her expression sobered.

 

“Do you have nightmares?” she asked, hazel eyes flicking over his face.

 

He met her gaze squarely.

 

“All the time,” he said softly.

 

“Me too,” Erin admitted.

 

She traded her plate, which was empty of everything except the crust, for her drink.

 

“Not about war, obviously,” she said. “But about life…before.”

 

“Before Voight,” Jay surmised.

 

“Before Voight,” Erin agreed. “And before Camille.”

 

Jay frowned.

 

“Camille?” he repeated.

 

“Voight’s wife,” Erin said, letting her head fall back but turning so it so she was still looking at him. “Voight, he got me off the street and that saved my life. Camille though, she was the one who helped me figure out how to become something more than just all the things that happened to me, all the bad choices I made.”

 

Jay could see from the look on Erin face that she ‘d truly loved the woman they were talking about.

 

“She sounds like an incredible person,” he said quietly.

 

“I’m not what you’d call the religious type,” Erin said with small chuckle. “And back then I was _all_ piss and vinegar.”

 

“I bet you were,” Jay said.

 

“But I still thought she was some kind of angel,” Erin said.

 

“I thought you would go with saint,” Jay said lightly. “I mean the woman was married to _Voight_ after all.”

 

Erin laughed.

 

“You didn’t hear this from me otherwise he’ll kill both of us,” she said. “But he was complete putty in her hands. She won all the arguments. Not that they argued often because he hated when she was mad at him.”

 

“Are we talking about the same Voight?” Jay asked.

 

“Hey, true love will do that to a guy,” Erin said. “Or so I’ve heard.”

 

Jay was tempted to pursue that line of conversation but the evening was going really well so far and he didn’t want to push too far too fast. There would be time to talk more about their respective romantic histories later.

 

“So Camille,” Jay said. “Is she the reason you never threw a punch at any of the mean girls at St. Ignatius?”

 

“Put that together did you?” Erin asked wryly.

 

“I am an awesome detective,” Jay pointed out. “Connecting the dots is sorta my thing.”

 

Erin bit back the retort that was on the tip of her tongue, one that would question what else he considered “sorta his thing”, and answered his original question.

 

“I was more terrified of disappointing her than I was of getting kicked out,” Erin agreed. “She was the kind of person who made you want to live up to her expectations.”

 

“What happened to her?” Jay asked.

 

“Cancer,” Erin said simply.

 

Jay reached for her hand and squeezed it.

 

“I’m sorry,” he said.

 

Erin nodded and then bounced up off the couch.

 

“I’m going to get more beer,” she announced. “You finish eating.”

 

“Yes, ma’am,” Jay said with a mock salute.

 

“Jerk,” Erin said, rolling her eyes.

 

Jay polished off his slice and had actually served himself a second when Erin returned with fresh beers for them both.

 

“Favorite Godfather movie?’ she asked, settling back down.

 

“The first one,” Jay said.

 

He took a bite of his second slice and then followed her lead away from the heavy emotional territory they’d been in.

 

“Favorite cartoon character?” he asked.

 

“Tweety Bird,” Erin said.

 

Jay coughed, almost choking on the bite he’d just taken.

 

“Seriously?” he asked her, grin tugging at his lips.

 

“What?” she said. “He’s cute.”

 

“Sure,” Jay said, shoulders still shaking with laughter.

 

“Favorite Lady Gaga song?” Erin tossed at him.

 

“What on earth makes you think I have a favorite Lady Gaga song?” Jay said.

 

“You know you were totally singing along to Poker Face on the radio that one time,” Erin reminded him.

 

“You weren’t supposed to have noticed that,” Jay said.

 

“I’m an awesome detective with a federal task force,” Erin quipped. “Superior powers of observation are sorta my thing.”

 

“Poker Face was an inside joke between me and some of my Ranger buddies,” Jay said. “And I’m not saying another word about it except that it does _not_ mean I have a favorite Lady Gaga song.”

 

“Whatever you say, Halstead,” Erin said, patting this face.

 

He turned and nipped her fingers eliciting a small shriek.

 

“No biting on the first date,” she reprimanded him.

 

He straightened and narrowed his eyes at her a little.

 

“So this counts as a date?” he asked.

 

Erin laughed but she allowed herself to drag her fingers through the short hairs at the back of his neck.

 

“I’m guessing this is where we take the “spirit” out of things and actually figure out what’s changed,” she observed.

 

She bit her lip and brought her hand around, sliding it over his stubbled cheek.

 

“We gotta go slow, Jay,” she said softly. “For a lot of reasons.”

 

“Yeah,” Jay said. “Okay.”

 

He tugged her hand away from his face and held it firmly in both of his.

 

“And I’m not saying we need to know this minute _where_ we’re going,” he rasped. “But a general direction? That might be nice.”

 

He scanned her face and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t a little tense. This conversation could be the beginning of the most important relationship he’d ever had. He knew that he had feelings for Erin, feelings unlike anything he’d ever experienced. But at the same time, he’d never let himself really think about it, knowing that because of work and Voight and all their other issues, it was a non-starter.

 

Only now it wasn’t.

 

“We’ve been partners,” Erin said after a few moments had passed. “And we’re already friends. So we move in the direction of something more than that.”

 

She gave a delicate shrug.

 

“Lovers, eventually,” she said. “And by then I should know.”

 

“Know what?” Jay asked.

 

“If falling in love with you was actually as easy as I think it’s going to be,” Erin said.

 

Jay tried to suppress the stupid grin he felt spreading across his face but it was hopeless.

 

“Don’t look so proud of yourself,” Erin said rolling her eyes. “Hasn’t happened yet.”

 

“Whatever you say, Lindsay,” he parroted.

 

He lifted one hand to stroke her cheek and she leaned forward towards him.

 

“There’s probably one more thing we should figure out,” she said.

 

“What’s that?” Jay asked.

 

“What happens when we kiss,” Erin said.

 

They were both still smiling when their lips met. It was easy and sweet. They took their time, savoring the feel of lips on lips. When they pulled apart for air, their foreheads were leaning against each other.

 

“Kissing you is officially my new most favorite thing in the world,” Jay murmured.

 

“Better than the marsala bread pudding at the Purple Pig?’ Erin asked.

 

“Oh,” Jay said, brushing his mouth over hers again. “ _Definitely._ ”

 

 


End file.
